The mini-hearse finally made it on the evening news. Some gun-wielding nut was caught possessing a concealed weapon at my store several days ago. The police arrested him and took him into custody. He was attempting to make some kind of misguided point about the second amendment.
I would have had no idea any of that happened if I hadn't been watching the evening news. While I was watching the evening news, the mini-hearse popped out against a spartan, consumerist skyline in one of the stock shots...muscular, sexy, and far-beyond capable. Black steel...curved, and ready to pounce. American strength...indefatigable.
A mini-hearse would never step into a Walmart with a gun on it's belt. That might scare grandma while she is busy shopping on one of the store's scooters. A mini-hearse would stoop down to tie your shoelaces if they were flapping around helplessly. Grandpa would approve.
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1 year ago
3 comments:
Those god damn PT cruisers are the scourge of the roadways. They offend me in every way possible. Their aesthetics produce vomit in my throat. Never in the history of american automotive design has a concept vehicle so far missed its mark (and that is saying something). Their performance (dodge neon platform?) is at best outdated and at worst comical. Who's fantastic idea was it to produce a car with the most piss poor visibility in the world and market it to cotton tops who don't look where they are going anyway. Anyone who actually concerns themselves with looking before merging/ backing up is shit out of luck in those hunks of garbage. One needs to only look at the aftermarket for the PT cruiser to correctly conclude that they are made by idiots for idiots.
Furby, I love you, but I hate your stupid ass car. Almost as much as I hate gun freaks.
Joseph Martin Wottowa
Joseph Martin Wottowa, your comments reveal that you are extremely close to hating life, country, and God himself.
P.T. Cruisers were born and bred in a Mexican factory based on a Dodge Neon platform. Worse yet, they were originally slated to wear Plymouth name badges before Daimler Benz bought the company and quickly jettisoned that failing arm of Chrysler. But you can not deny that there is no more effective and stylish way to carry a baby corpse. Visibility isn't a problem, since their eyes no longer see. The mini-hearse is always the choice where the short and dead are concerned.
I think you're argumentative because I still owe you a six pack of Modus Hoperandi. Pick a day and trail and we'll head out in the mini-hearse, cooler overflowing with ice-cold cans of IPA. America is number one!
If america is number one, then Japan is number 2. Where does that leave us?
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