On Friday I received a call from Destroyer Central, a.k.a., Dick Racer. He told me that no Destroyer had ever completely, truly, and honestly destroyed the Middlefork. I'd like to say we chose the best guys to get the job done, but honestly, the guys who had nothing better to do showed up to give the "fullfork" a shot. Dick, Reed, Bobby, and yours truly.

A "fullfork" begins at the the official Council Bluff boat launch and follows the trail counterclockwise to the Telleck connector. From there, the South Trace Creek section of the Ozark Trail is used to get to the Middlefork. It's one of only two legitimate ways to ride the entire Middlfork out and back (the other way uses the North Trace). Riding the trail from the southern end is not allowed. Hillbillies have poisoned our nation with crystal meth and we don't need to get any closer to them than necessary.

We kitted out at the boat launch, filled our camelbacks, and mounted our bikes. Bobby took off first riding a steady pace. I took off next, riding at a steadier pace. Before I knew it, I caught up to the legendary "cheatin' Jesus" attempting to adjust his borrowed bike. Reed and Dick started in last place but soon caught both of us after several miles of "hammerheading" on their parts. Dick and Reed hammered the trail into submission. My chain was slipping, but I caught them somewhere around Barton Fen and never really lost sight of them after that on our way to the end of the trail. Bobby was never seen again by our Destroyer eyes until the end of the ride.

The axle nuts on my rig were a little bit too loose and I didn't have a thick enough wrench to remedy the situation. I was still able to cruise the trail and ride a pretty good pace, stopping every four or so miles to readjust my rear wheel. Dick and Reed were totally dropping me every time I had to do this. By the time I made it to the turn around point at "crawfish creek" they had already been resting for several minutes. First Dick took off, then Zach. I waited for a few more minutes after drinking an entire pint of energy drink.

I tried extra hard to tighten my axle bolts and began to ride back to the truck in last place. The first four miles were rough, as they are some of the most difficult miles the Middlefork has to offer. I had to walk my singlespeed up a super steep climb after a creek crossing. Soon after, the trail followed a ridge and things got much easier. Before I knew it, I caught up to Reed crawling up a climb. I rode with him and Dick for the next several miles, but decided that I needed to ride my own pace if I was going to make it back alive. I had them ridden off of my wheel until I took a wrong turn at a switchback. I had my head too far up.

Barton Fen is where things finally broke apart. After hitting the climb across from the creek crossing, I never saw Reed or Dick again. Legend has it, they saw a figure that looked like sasquatch grunting his way up a steep, forbidding hill in the extreme distance. That was me!

I decided not to wait for Reed or Dick since they were buddied up and I informed them that there were numerous bitch outs they could choose from to get back to the truck if they were too tired to complete the trail. I finally felt guilty and waited for them at the road crossing before Highway 32. When they didn't show for five minutes and my muscles began to get cold, I took off. From there, I rode the ride completely solo. Dick and Reed came in ten minutes behind me having to fix a broken a chain on Reed's bike.. All in all we were evenly matched. I could climb better, they could descend better.